Chapter Five--Listening
We spend more time listening than talking, reading,or writing.
50% of our waking time is listening; if you aren’t agood listener you are a poor communicator at leasthalf the time.
The Listening Process:
Hearing is physiological and listening ispsychological and cognitive. It is active andcomplex.
Steps in the listening process
Attending: being fully present in the moment; you don’timpose ideas and attend to the other fully. You have dualperspective: trying to see the other person’s point-of-view.
Physically receiving messages: being active and ready tolisten. This declines through age, fatigue, etc. Women tend tolisten for details and relationship level meaning, men forcontent.
Selecting and organizing material: we select based onabilities, our expectations, and culture. We also select stimulithat is loud, unusual, or stands out. We may overlook peoplewho are quiet. We predict what people will do: it helps usfigure out how to respond to others, make sense of situationsand people.
Steps in the listening process
Understanding Communication: interpreting andmaking sense of messages. We don’t have toalways agree with the other person but we shouldattempt to see their point-of-view and perspective.
Responding: we should communicate attention andinterest. We should respond throughout theinteraction. On the relationship level it shows thatwe care.
Remembering: we tend to remember less than halfa message right after we hear it!
Personal Listening Preferences
People-oriented listeners: listen with relationshipsand other people’s feelings in mind.
Action-oriented listeners: focus on tasks and stay ontrack.
Content-oriented listeners: critical listeners whoevaluate what they hear.
Time-oriented listeners: concerned with speakerswho are to the point and have no patience forpeople who wander off topic.
Obstacles to Active Listening
External obstacles: message overload (too much information), messagecomplexity (technical words, jargon, detailed information), and noise (weget distracted from an outside source), technology, multitasking.
Internal obstacles:
Prejudgment: we think we know what people are going to say or we thinkthe person has nothing important to say. Don’t assume you know whatsomeone is going to say; it creates misunderstanding!
Reacting to emotionally loaded language: we should think critically and notreact based on one or two words.
Lack of effort: we might be just tired or overworked.
Failure to adapt to the right listening style: we listen for different reasons;sometimes for information, for support, for pleasure. We need to know whatstyle to use for the right situation.
Listening Apprehension: the uneasiness associated with a listeningopportunity.
Forms of Nonlistening
Pseudolistening: someone just pretends to listen and gives fakefeedback. That person often gets caught.
Monopolizing: the person shifts the topic back to themselves anddiverts the attention from the speaker to topics that interest them.
Selective listener: this person focuses only on specific parts of amessage; they reject communication that makes them uneasy or iscritical of them.
Defensive listener: they perceive personal attacks when none isintended. Can be in all situations or just specific situations.
Ambushing: close listening for attack purposes.
Literal listening: listen only for content and ignore relationships,feelings, and emotions.
Types of Listening
Informational Listening: be mindful, ask questions,control external or internal obstacles, use techniques toremember the information, and organize what you listento.
Critical Listening (what is the speaker’s main point; usenonverbal cues).
Empathic listening: be attentive be careful of expressingjudgments, be honest with your feelings, do not discountthe other person’s feelings, understand the otherperson’s point-of-view, give positive feedback andexpress support.
Appreciate listening: listen for full enjoyment.
Payoffs of Effective Listening
Helps your career:
Effective listeners discover the values, needs, expectations, and goalsof those with whom they work: we get a better understanding ofwhat motivates them; we know if their values and expectations aresimilar to us or not.
Better management-employee relationships develop: they take eachothers’ concerns into consideration. Sometimes all employees want isto be heard, even if they don’t get what they want.
Better decisions are made in emergency situations: airline example.
We learn from others’ experience: we experience many of the sameproblems that they do. We learn from others’ success and avoid theirmistakes.
The Importance of Effective Listening in Organizations
Listening to Customers: the best run companies are those that listenobjectively to customer ideas and information. It can tell you aboutthe competition and increase customer sales and satisfaction.
Listening to Employees: helps employees feel wanted and helpsmorale; can correct problems within the company. Makes employeesfeel wanted and that their ideas count.
Listening to Supervisors: can help your relationship with your bossand know his or her expectations. Ask questions and paraphrase tomake sure you understand. Use praise appropriately and don’tcriticize.
Listening to co-workers: listening creates community within theworkplace. We also need to know how to adapt the right listeningstyle for the situation. Show others you are listening. Concentrate oninformation gathering and sharing rather than persuasion.
Signs of Poor Listening
Breaking the Chain of Command: if others go over your head thismay be a sign you are a poor listener.
Learning about events too late: if events occur without yourknowledge this is a sign you aren’t listening.
Always putting out fires: good management is spotting problemsbefore they reach the crisis stage.
Information must be repeated: repetition is viewed as a waste ofcompany time.
Tasks given to others: supervisors may be saying they do not trustyour listening skills.
Increase in written communication: if you receive more writteninformation than oral this may be a sign people think you aren’t agood listener.
Bad Listening Habits
Someone assumes the topic will be boring: try to find something in the message that will beuseful to you.
Someone criticizes the speaker’s delivery: concentrate on mannerisms, delivery, tone, accent.They feel justified in not listening.
They interrupt to disagree with the speaker or mentally argue with the speaker’s ideas: theymentally plan a rebuttal.
Listens only for facts: they may be a literal listener.
Takes detailed notes: trying to write down everything someone says will make you a poorlistener.
Only pretends to listen: they are a pseudo-listener.
They tolerate or create distractions: for example they talk to their neighbor while someone istalking.
They avoid listening to difficult material: they tune out when things get complicated ortechnical.
They react emotionally to some messages by tuning out the speaker. A good listener may notcare for certain words but will not tune the person out.
Daydreaming during long presentations. We can take in more words than someone can speak.Gives us time for our minds to wander.
Improving your listening
Listen for facts as well as feelings.
Identify the speaker’s main points.
Take brief notes.
Summarize and repeat main points and words.
Relate information to current policies andprocedures.
Avoid prejudice.
Improving listening skills
The sensing stage: chose and organize material with our perceptions.We pay attention based on needs, interests, or personal perceptionsand bias.
Interpreting stage: assign meaning and decode the message. In thisstage we try to interpret the actions of others.
Evaluating stage: assign a value judgment to the speaker: are theycredible, competent? What does their message really mean?Listeners sometimes make evaluations or assumptions without havingall the facts.
Responding stage: communicated verbally and nonverbally.
Memory stage: Most of us only remember 10 to 25 percent of apresentation. Speakers need to remember this when conducting apresentation!
