“ The most important thing in communicationis to hear what isn’t being said.”
Ch. 4
“Lend me your ear.” -Shakespeare
Passive listeners-
Active listener-
Passive listeners- let the speaker do all of thework while the listener is just along for theride
Ex. Putting up with distractions, paying more attentionto someone’s appearance than their message, andfailing to respond to message
Active listener- plays an active role byguiding the talker toward common interests
Ex. Being engaged in the conversation, giving verbalcues that show you’re paying attention
Listening is the “receiving” part of thecommunication process, but just hearing thewords is only the beginning.
Hearing- sound waves that set off vibrationsin our ears; automatic reaction of the sensesand nervous system
Listening- conscious effort to hear; voluntaryact in which we use our higher mentalprocesses.
How does this really happen? Here's theprocess:
Hearing - sound enters the eardrums and travelsto the brain
Attending - our brain receives the sound anddecides what to pay attention to
Understanding - take what is meaningful andapply it to the social context
Remembering - storing the information for use ata later time
Harry Potter
Twilight Zone
Football
We only remember about 25% of what wehear
You must train yourself to listen.
Most people speak at 120-180 words perminute.
Our brains work faster than that which is whywe tend to wander off.
Appreciative Listening- listening for leisure orenjoyment
Discriminative Listening- when we want to singleout one particular sound from a noisyenvironment (ex: friend’s voice in a crowdedroom)
Empathic Listening- encourages people to talkfreely without fear or embarrassment. (ex:counselors, psychiatrists, and good friends)
Critical Listening- evaluating what you hear anddeciding if the message is logical, worthwhile, orhas value
Emperor’s New Groove
Tuning out dull topics
Listen for something that you can use; an idea,quote, or story.
Can almost always find something of value
Faking Attention
Translate the speaker’s thoughts into your ownwords
Repeat key points to yourself throughout theconversation
Yielding to Distractions
Giving our attention to a distraction rather thanthe speaker
Almost any distraction can be blocked out withconcentration
Criticizing delivery or physical appearance
Don’t use poor physical appearance or poordelivery skills as a reason not to listen
Overlook their imperfections and listen to themessage
Jumping to Conclusions
Avoid personal biases
Don’t judge the message just by observations
Overreacting to Emotional Words
Avoid strong emotional reactions
Don’t let your emotions act as filters
Interrupting
Don’t get caught up in thinking about what youwant to say rather than listening
Shows you don’t care about what the otherperson is saying
Education
Biases
Attitude
Age
Experience
Religion
Family
Physical Condition
Morals
Emotions
Refrain from judging the speaker
Focus attention on the message
Search for areas of agreement
Keep an open mind
Ch. 4
The Beginning
May be the most interesting but is usually not themost important
Often to get caught up in the entertainment ofthe speech and to miss the key point
Shortly after the beginning, the main idea will bepresented
If you miss the main idea, you don’t know whatto listen for
Be a critical listener
Understand the message
Test the strength of the message
Question the support they use to back up theirpoints
What are their examples?
Evaluate for accuracy and fairness
Be on guard for emotional appeals andpropaganda
Listen for the repeated statement of themain idea, summary of the importantsupport, or “in conclusion”
Try and recognize if the speaker is trying tomislead you
Be aware of “rhetorical devices” or tricks oflanguage
Explore- What does this person want me tobelieve? Listen to see if you guessed right.
Analyze- Are the reasons, examples, andfacts convincing?
Review- mentally run over the points thathave already been made
Search- listen between the lines. Are therehidden meanings in the message?
Being introduced to others
Repeat their name two or three times inconversation
Relate their name to something familiar
Develop a determination to remember
Be “coachable”
2 obstacles that make criticism hard to take:
Threatens to distract us
Don’t dwell on the past
Be proactive and make things better for the future
It hurts
Try not to take it personally
Try to separate your behaviors from your ego
Ask for explanations if you don’t understand
Paraphrase the message in your own words
Summarize the message
Take notes
Always have something to write with
Don’t worry about neatness
Don’t use complete sentences